Week 30 2024

I’m at our Utah cabin now, and there is no wireless signal, so I’m typing this at the dining table and will post when I get down the mountain. The lake in front of our cabin is dotted with duck families, pocked with fish plucking flies from the water’s surface, and on the horizon, the top of the mountain at 11,000+ feet. Our other family left yesterday, so now it’s only Amy, Isaac, Hazel, and me. We have the place to ourselves.

My father-in-law is living with dementia, and that means over the last week, in some small way, I have lived with it, too. Working with researchers at Scripps Gerontology Center has taught me much about aging and dementia. One of my most profound takeaways is the importance of patience and a sense of humor. I practiced both the best I could during my father-in-law’s time here. 

My father-in-law sometimes did not know who I was during his visit. Sometimes, he did not know where he was (even though he helped construct this cabin that sleeps 13 and has four stories). But every morning, I was usually up early and had coffee ready, so he and I could have a cup and chat about anything from his love of flying to the sheep grazing on the meadows in front of us. We laughed at nonsensical things. He shared stories I’d heard many times, but I cherished hearing him tell them again. I adapted when he was worried about what tasks he had to complete next—all his life, he has been a productive and brilliant attorney and enjoys fixing things.

When he asked me things multiple times, I answered as if it was the first time. I never showed frustration when he repeated himself or could not remember. I joked with him, and we laughed. Last week at Bryce Canyon National Park, he stood confused, looking at people filling up their water bottles at a water station. I walked up to him, and he said

”I have no idea who those people are.”

And I answered,

”I don’t know them either!”

Then, I invited him to come with me, and our family loaded into cars to travel to the next stop in the park.

If I ever have dementia or live long enough to experience cognitive decline, I hope folks around me are patient and will laugh with me.