This week was brutal, and it’s all my fault.
I packed my days full. I never stopped to breathe. I got tons done—some things I had to do (my work) and some I wanted to do (for fun), but there was no margin. So stopping. No breaks. I’m excellent at Tetris-ing my days, so no light shines between each time slot. My efficiency and productivity are unparalleled.
This is no way to live a life. Looking back on my week, I am exhausted from running the treadmill that never stops. Why can’t I learn?
Last summer, I read The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comer. Whatever your religious belief, I found the book enlightening and a little bit damning (in a good way). The book called me out. This one quote from the book hit home:
Hurry and love are incompatible.John Mark Comer, The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry: How to Stay Emotionally Healthy and Spiritually Alive in the Chaos of the Modern World
This week proved it. When I am hurried, I cannot stop and chat with colleagues or students. I cannot take moments to peer out the window and, by doing so, peer into myself for a gut and heart check. Hurry removes my ability to love. I think this is so because love is time. Whatever I spend my time doing is what matters to me. When I spend it talking with a student about their work, I show them love as a mentor who cares about their journey and interests. The margin in my day for meditation shows love to myself—developing calm while making sense of what’s going on around me. I guess you could say that this Weekly Reflection is a sort of meditation, so maybe I am doing better at this margin thing than I thought. (Side note… I had to hurry to get this thing written).
Next week will be just as busy as this one. But I cannot keep up this pace. I cannot live without loving others—and hurry is to blame. I am to blame.
So… I am working on reducing hurry. There may be ways I can still be productive but also less hurried. I’m committed to finding them.